Habits - Leaving the Old and Creating The New

Last week we explored the definition of habits and why they are so important. As a recap, we defined habits as activities that are routine or performed regularly and are automatic responses to specific situations. Regularity and automatically are key attributes of habits. Habits are things we do without giving them a second thought. They are important because they can either have compounding positive or negative impacts on our lives. Binging on your favorite ice cream once has a very different impact than a nightly binge. Running 30 minutes a day will have a very different impact on our life than that one time you ran last year. When an activity becomes a habit, it will either lift our life up or weigh us down.

But why is it that changing our bad habits or creating new habits is so difficult? Researchers and experts in the field have identified many reasons we struggle. Let’s look at some and explore ways to combat them.

In the May 2019 issue of The Huffington Post, Casey Bond expressed 4 considerations to keep in mind when you are looking to shed a bad habit or create a new one. Bond states that we will be more successful when we reward ourselves for good choices, automate our processes to include minimal touch points, know what triggers behaviors and understand the practical application of our new habit. What do all those mean? They mean we need to congratulation ourselves for good behaviors instead of punishing ourselves for the bad behaviors. It means we need to make our new habits easy to do. And finally, according to Bond, we must know what drives our behavior both good and bad and be able see the consequences of those behaviors.

Bond’s observations align well with James Clear, author and founder of the Habit Academy. In Clear’s book “Atomic Habits”, which we dug into a bit last time, he lays out 4 “laws” for building better habits. Clear talks about making our habits obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying. Sounds familiar and simple right? In fact it is! We just need to be intentional. Let’s use the example of deciding to exercise. We can make it obvious if we lay out our work out clothes the night before we plan to exercise. We can make it easy when those articles of clothing are in plain sight AND we’ve set appropriate goals for our workout. If you have never exercised you most likely won’t succeed by claiming “I’ll run 5 miles a day”. Even if you could run 5 miles on day 1 or 2 you most likely can’t sustain that hefty goal immediately. But if you say, I am going to start out running for just 5 minutes 3 times a week then your chances of eventually running 5 miles per day will be higher.

Psychology Today (July 22, 2017) describes this as getting caught in all or nothing thinking. We believe we must go 100% when in reality we need to ease into change and acknowledge the fact that change is a process requiring time and dedication.

Psychology Today goes on to say that we need a positive platform to launch from. This means we will be most successful in creating new habits when we do so out of a desire for a better life versus creating new habits out of shame, regret and fear. Think about your personal financial habits. Are you struggling with overspending and a burden of debt that has built up over time? For many, the shame associated with that can be heavy. It was for me. After navigating a divorce and realizing I was suppressing memories of childhood sexual abuse, I used “retail therapy” to console myself. When I finally saw the mess I had created for myself I felt the heavy and dark burden of shame overwhelming me. I tried to change my overspending habits instantly based on the shame alone and failed miserably. It wasn’t until I began to focus on the possibility of a life without debt, without creditors calling me constantly and without the stress of wondering if I’d be able to pay my rent the next month, that I began to make strides with new habits.

My story included small but measurable steps, another point made in the Psychology Today article. I could not immediately stop spending money completely. I had to call out specific areas in which to reign in my spending. I began to budget in a very simple way and slowly progress was made. I also had to figure out some form of celebrating my good choices – celebrating in a way that made sense and aligned with my objectives. So, I began to reward myself for not going to the mall each weekend. On the weekends I ignored the desire to shop, I rewarded myself with a special bubble bath or took a Sunday afternoon to simply relax and binge on my favorite TV, which by the way, was FREE. Often I dug into a book from the library. Some days I just walked outdoors for hours. In essence I was replacing the old habit of retail therapy for more relaxation. Over time, I no longer felt the pull of the mall and I no longer yearned to be there. A series of new habits resulted out of my positive platform, a desire for a better life.

Four other points are important to mention. First, to be successful in any new habit make sure you have the right tools handy. Running won’t become a habit if you don’t have good shoes to run in. You won’t find success in living on a budget if you don’t have a way to track it that fits you. Next, don’t take on too many changes all at once. We can only process a certain amount of change at a time before we lose concentration and slip back to old, learned ways. Take change in baby steps, celebrating mastery along the way. Third, remember that failure is a given. Introducing any sort of guilt at times of failure into the process of creating habits will be counter to what we are trying to achieve. We will stumble when we try to create new habits or eliminate bad ones. It’s how we are. What we do about that failure is what matters. Do we simply walk away because of one mis-step? Or does our character push us onward, striving for better? Finally, it is important to have a tracking system, record keeping device or accountability tool to stay the course. It is said that you cannot improve what you cannot measure. Track progress is a visible way to remind yourself of what you have done so far. Have you exercised 3 days this week? If so, try using a calendar on a wall that you will see each day and give yourself a big old star for working out on those days. Did you go an entire week without spending money? Put that cash in a clear jar so you can see what you have accomplished. But remember, if you miss a day or spend more than you wanted this month, strive on for a better result.

Speaking of striving, next time we’ll dive a bit deeper into some specific ways to avoid becoming discouraged and a little more on what to expect when our habits begin to change. Stay tuned!