Habits - Staying Strong
Can we all agree that getting into new habits or breaking old habits is extremely difficult? I will say if you don’t agree with that then I’d love to talk with you because every new habit I’ve ever attempted and every old habit I’ve yearned to stop has been harder than heck. Therefore, if you have a magic solution, please share! If you don’t have that magic solution, then like me you might be interested in ways to increase the chances of success in this area of life. I’ve found a few helpful pointers to share with you as we move forward into 2021.
In his book “Atomic Habits”, James Clear states we can create new habits if we stick to making the new habit obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying. There are many recommendations Clear makes in his book in each of those categories, but I want to share with you from my experience and my heart what has worked best in my attempts to change habits.
First off, let’s look at making a new habit obvious. I am a very visual person. I’m a visual learner an I like to use visual methods when I teach. You would think making a new habit obvious would be pretty easy for me, right? Well, not so fast. I am also a bit of a neat freak which can put those two things at odds with each other. For example, in the exercising aspect of my life, I would try making it obvious by having the exercise equipment visibly laying out in my home. But then I found myself picking it up and putting it away after every use and it just became exhausting. So instead, I began scheduling my work outs in my calendar and setting up a notification when it was time to work out. I now had a scheduled time and a commitment to myself to follow through. I also used my calendar to remind myself of when I slipped up. If I worked out at my slated time, I would highlight the calendar event in purple. If I did not, I would highlight the event in red. When I would look at my calendar it was easy to see how I was doing and it helped me stay on track knowing I did not want to see red. Now, exercising is not what I feel I need to do; rather it is what I want to do because of the person it helps me be. The same can be said in my personal finances. Even as a coach, I know I am going to slip up at times, but my financial habits are now based on having used visual reminders of what needed to be done for so long that I now feel lost or unsettled if I go astray or ignore looking at my budget. Budgeting visual reminders included using the calendar again, or easy charts showing my savings progress.
The second tip from Clear is to make the new habit attractive. What the exactly does that mean? To me, it means make it fun. I often tell clients who are struggling to get into their budget on a regular basis to set up a reward system for doing so. My husband and I do Budget Date nights where we each pour ourselves a glass of our favorite beverage and enjoy it while going over our budget. It helps because we can actually look forward to the activity. Trust me, a decade ago I would have done ANYTHING NOT to look at my personal finances. I would make every excuse in the world not to open up my bank account or reconcile my expenses. I, and later I and my husband had to entice ourselves to do the hard stuff so that we could get to the good stuff later. It worked for us. I also like Clear’s recommendation to create a motivation ritual where you do something you enjoy immediately after a difficult habit. Work on your budget one evening, then go binge on your favorite TV show or linger in that bubble bath. Make it personal to you and it will pay great rewards.
Next is to make this new habit easy. Listen up folks – everything can be made easy if we just spend some time thinking about how to parcel it out. Going back to exercising, I was never one to run marathons. Nope, just not my thing. I knew that when I embarked on a healthier life style. But, I did believe I could work out for 15 minutes 3-4 times per week. I found ways to do so at home, so that I didn’t have to get in the car and go anywhere. Before I knew it, I was spending 20 minutes working out, then 30 and now 45. I don’t claim to be ready for American Ninja Warrior or to run any marathons, but I am living a life of consistent exercise and that was my goal to begin with. Also consider how technology can assist in making that new habit easy. We have so much at our finger tips these days so let’s use the gift of technology to create these new habits successfully.
The last pointer Clear provides is the suggestion to make your new habit satisfying. This is very similar to making it attractive and easy but goes a step further. I love this piece of advice because in my experience it was critical to long term change. Clear asserts that it can be very hard to stick with habits where nothing happens immediately, when we don’t get that adrenaline rush of instant gratification. For instance he explains, “It can be challenging to stick with habits like no frivolous purchase or no alcohol this month because nothing happens when you skip happy hour or don’t buy that pair of shoes. It can be hard to feel satisfied when there is no action in the first place.” So what then do we do? He suggests we make the avoidance visible. Let’s take the example of not eating sweets. If giving up sweets means you save money at the grocery store or on your favorite coffee drink consider taking the amount you’d spend on that vice and put it in a jar at home. You’ll get the satisfaction of seeing your money jar grow AND knowing that the growth is directly attributed to your avoidance of consuming sweets. Another way to use this idea is each time you do that new activity/habit, take a paperclip and put it in a jar. As the jar begins to fill with paperclips you will find satisfaction in seeing your progress. Or, try something I did which was create a loyalty program for myself. When I would pass on a shopping spree at the local mall, I’d take a few dollars out of my budget and plop it in my savings account. I received the instant gratification knowing I had gone yet another weekend without spending money I didn’t need to spend and my savings account began to grow faster than I expected.
To avoid bad habits you can use these same tactics but turn them upside down. Make the bad habits invisible, unattractive, hard to do, and unsatisfying. Want to stop snacking late at night? Make sure you don’t have any of those tempting snacks in your home. Make those late-night binges unattractive by highlighting the benefits of avoiding them. Have an accountability partner to report to making that bag of chips you ate last night not so fun to report on.
Sticking to new habits and erasing bad habits from our lives is hard. It takes time and intentionality to stay the course. Don’t give up or give in. The payoff will be well worth it. Next time we’ll talk about some specific habits that can have life altering results.
